Letting Go
by xXxThe Phantom's RosexXx
Summary: If you love someone, let them go.


**A/N: Twilight and Vermillion part 2 do not belong to me. They belong to Stephanie Meyer and Slipknot. I do not usually listen to Slipknot but this song is just so beautiful and it just…fit. I hope you enjoy! Maybe this is better than my other stories I've posted. **

**Unrequited Dream **

_**She seemed dressed in all of me, stretched across my shame.  
All the torment and the pain  
Leaked through the cover in me  
I'd do anything to have her to myself  
Just to have her for myself  
Now I don't know what to do, I dont know what to do when she makes me sad. **_

"I…I have to go," she stammers, her voice cutting short as if a lump was forming in her throat, chocking her, making every breath, every word spoken to me torturous pain – for both of us.

"You just got here," I complain, "Like fifteen minutes ago!"

"He'll be missing me."

Instantly I know who she is talking about. She is talking about him – that _leech_, that _bloodsucker _that possesses her heart and will never let if be free, be free to be mine, again. I run a hand through my long hair (It's uncomfortably hot and strangely but she likes it long. So I'll wear it long.)

"Bella, honey, you don't have to…"

But I know her decision. I glance quickly to the dirt ground and I know she's noticed the pain she was currently inflicting upon me. She knows I would do anything to have her to myself once more. She knows I'd give anything for her, do anything for her.

"I have to, Jake," she adverts her eyes, "I'll come back." But I know the promise is empty. She always promises but never does. Except when he is gone.

As I watch her climb into The Thing as she so kindly nicknamed my dad's old, beat up lovable junker of a vehicle, I felt my own throat knot and tighten. Quickly I inhale. The breath is sharp, painful and stings at my nostrils. But nothing can sting like the pain in my heart. The pain I feel every time she says goodbye. Every time I know that that goodbye might really be the last.

I lean against the tree trunk of our tree, the tree we've shared laughter and tears under. The tree we became friends, _best friends_, under. I never really know what to do when she leaves. It's like when she's here, I'm on a high that I never want to come down from and then she just yanks it away from me and I crash. I throw my head against the base of the tree with all my force and pretend as if the pain doesn't bother me. And it doesn't. I can handle physical pain. It's the pain she inflicts that is incurable, unrelenting.

She is my Bella. She will always be my Bell no matter what she says, no matter what she does. And we will always share that memory of us under the tree, in the barn, at the movie theater, hand in hand and the hopes we shared of maybe…just _maybe_ being possibly more than "just friends."

_**She is everything to me  
The unrequited dream  
A song that no one sings  
The unattainable, She's a myth that I have to believe in  
All I need to make it real is one more reason  
I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do when she makes me sad. **_

"Bella, I have your Christmas present…"

"Oh Jake!" She fusses, "I told you I didn't want anything from you!"

Somehow, they way she said "_anything from you_" was like a knife twisting its blade way through my heart.

"I-I wanted to," I answer, knowing that this was probably a mistake that would end in a fight and I could not take another fight with her. She meant so much to me, _too much_ to me, to fight with.

"Alright," she sighs as if it is some sort of inconvenience towards her and I hand her the beaded bag, "Jake…" she gasps after seeing the figurine of a lamb carved perfectly out of wood, "It's…it's beautiful!"

"I made it," I shrugged, "I guess you can stick it on your bracelet with your other charm."

"I love it! Thank you, Jacob."

I was about to say something else when her bloodsucker approached. He wore that same smile he always did and I wished I could smack it right off his pasty white face. Of course though, that would upset Bella and I didn't want that. I never wanted that.

He, Edward, nods civilly towards me upholding to the promise we both made to her. He mumbles something about Merry Christmas to me before grabbing her and throwing his arm across her shoulders as if she were a prize to sport off to everyone. It was as if he was shouting, "Hey guys! Look what I won!"

As I watched them walk away, I counted the steps that she took – each step closer to him but further from me. It was like a nightmare in slow-motion. He could never love her like I loved her. He wasn't capable of it. The lack of a heart kind of contributed to that factor. I, on the other hand, had a heart and it was breaking with each step she took without even glancing back at me.

"Stupid, lamb," I thought to myself as I watched them go.

It was as if it was all just a dream, as if she wasn't real. Just a myth I had come up with like the myths of my tribe being passed down for generations. Those myths turned out to be true and I was finding myself believing them more and more. With my belief, the myths, now truths, grew stronger and I thought, just for a moment that maybe if I believed more in Bella and in my fantasy-relationship with her, my myth might just come true too. 

**But I won't let this build up inside of me  
I won't let this build up inside of me  
I won't let this build up inside of me  
I won't let this build up inside of me **

"What's your problem?" Quill asks. I shrugged and didn't want to talk about it. After all, he knew.

"You already know," I say.

"Yeah but it helps to talk."

"It's Bella."

"It always is," Quill smiles, knowingly, "You know, Jake, you can't let this build up in you. It's taking over you and you have to let it go. You have to let her go."

"I-I don't think I can," I reply truthfully.

"She let you go."

His words are painful but true. She did let me go. If only it could be so easy for me, so easy for me to just let her live her life happily-ever-after with that…that…Edward!

"Quill…"

"Let her go, Jake." His words are soft but commanding.

"Aren't you supposed to be listening to my orders?" I try to laugh it off but Quill doesn't take the bait. Instead, he shakes his head and walks away.

I know he was right. I know I have to just let her go. I haven't got any other choice. With every heart break she feels, my heart shatters twice as badly. I can't stand to see her pain, her hurt, her confusion. I complicate things, things she can't afford to have complicated. It was at that moment I knew, I knew I couldn't let it build up inside me. I had to let her go. No matter the pain it would cause me. I had no other choice. She was my Bella. I had to do this for her. 

**A catch in my throat  
Choke, torn into pieces  
No, I don't want to be this **

"Jake!" She squeals and throws her arms around my neck. Before I can stop myself, I lift her up in the air and swing her around. Her giggle makes me laugh too and before I know it, we can't stop. Our laughter mingled together reminded me of the days of old, the days when it was safe to love her.

"Bella," I put her down and step back from her, remembering what I have to do, "Bella…this isn't easy for me but I have to let you go."

"What?" She asks, confused, panting from laughter.

"I am no good for you," I know that's a lie, "You…you need to be with the person you...you...love."

"I love _you_!" She insists.

"But not like…him."

"No," she nods, "Not like him."

"Bella," I sigh, "Honey, this is hard for me to say but I think…I think we should just stop."

"Stop what?"

"This charade!" I shout, "I mean, _come on_, Bella! Isn't it obvious? We just can't be friends anymore!" I know it's bad to yell at her but she won't listen unless I won't. I have to make her not want to ever come back. It's what will be best.

"But…I want to be…"

"Well I _don't_, Bella!"

"Jake…don't do this. We can make it work. We can…we can compromise! You'll see! Everything will be fine. I'll talk to Edward and we can all be friends…"

"You are so damn naïve!" I cry, "Just…go!"

"I...I can't leave you."

"Damn it Bella, don't make this harder than it is!" My voice is cracking. I swear to myself not to let her see my cry. I can never let her see me cry.

"Jake..." She looks at me with pleading eyes.

"Honey," I sigh, worn out from yelling at her. I want to say something, anything that would make her feel better but there is noting left to say.

"I love you, Jake, know that."

"I do," I answer, "And that is why we can't be friends anymore."

I watch her eyes moisten and I long to throw my arms around her and hold her tightly against me, rock her comfortingly and promise her it will be okay. As I watch her run towards her truck I can't erase the sickening through from my mind that I had turned into the monster I had been trying to protect her from.

**But I won't let this build up inside of me  
I won't let this build up inside of me  
I won't let this build up inside of me  
I won't let this build up inside of me **

"You did the right thing," Dad says as we pick at the food on our plates, "She had to go to him. She loves him, son. I'm proud of you. I know what you did was difficult but you let her finally be free…"

"She'll never be free," I scoff, "Not with that ball and chain around her neck."

"This is the life she's chosen, Jake, the path she wants to take. It may only be clear to her and no one else and as her friends, we have to respect her wishes, her decision."

"It's hard," I say, finally letting my guard down.

"I know, son, but you'll live. Besides, you never imprinted on her. There is still hope for me to have grandkids some day," he grins widely but it quickly fades once he realized that I did not appreciate his pathetic attempt at humor, "Sorry."

I roll my eyes and go to the sink to wash off my plate.

"Yeah, Dad," I call towards the table, "Me too."

**She isn't real  
I can't make her real  
She isn't real  
I can't make her real**

I saw her a few years later with a ring upon her finger and walking happily down the street. I didn't see him at first but he was there alright, holding onto her hand and they were both smiling. I noticed her smile didn't reach to her eyes and that they were no longer sparkling like they used to. She was pale and had purple creases under her eyes. She was thirsty but resisting the temptation. She was stronger than he had ever expected. She'd do fine. She wouldn't be happy but she'd be fine.

I smile to myself knowing that. I long for her happiness, long for her smile but she's fine. She's alright. He's taken care of her, for the most part. I don't think biting her was all that caring but hey, maybe vampire traditions are a little different when it comes to caring than the Quileute traditions.

For some reason, my mind is put a little at ease. She was happy, not as happy as she was with me but she was still _happy_. She was taken care of and she was loved. That was all that really mattered to me anyway. For a moment, I thought about stopping, I thought about asking her how's she's been but I don't. Bella no longer exists to me. I can't make her real, she is no longer real. She is a myth, a figment of my imagination, a character in a twisted love story I once knew by heart.

Sighing, I turn around and head back to home.

Bella was no longer mine.

She could never be mine again.

But she was cared for and loved and taken care of and that's all that mattered to me. That was all that had _ever_ mattered to me.


End file.
